One of the reasons why we like the story of Cinderella is despite her disadvantaged circumstances and mistreatment at the hands of her stepmother and stepsisters, in the end she is able to attend the ball in fabulous style, gets hooked up with the prince and lives happily ever after. We love it when the underdog has a happy ending. With your stepson, there will be no fairy godmother that will come along to take away any hurt based on the break-up of his first family, or because of your mistakes as a stepfather. Is it possible to treat your stepson unfairly and still be able to positively influence him?
If you're serious about having an influential role in your stepson's life, you must start thinking of your wife's son as your son. Speak with your spouse-to-be before you say, "I do" to ensure you are both in agreement with that role. With that said, here are some things to consider:- The parent and stepparent typically do not treat children in the blended family equally.
- Many stepparents find it difficult to love their stepchildren.
- Remarried spouses frequently make their biological children a greater priority than their new spouse, which strains the marriage relationship.
- Children of divorce often resist connecting to their new family.
- Discipline from a stepparent often results in opposition and disrespect.
Also, if you have your own children, it's a must you treat all of the children in your family equally. Balance your time, resources and energy between your own children and your stepchildren. Anything short of this will hurt your stepson as well as your other stepchildren. They may:
- Low Self-Esteem
- Have a hard time accepting and liking themselves.
- Have their feelings intensify as they grow older.
- Have difficulty making friends and socializing.
- Gives Them a Sense of Unfairness in the World
- Learn to treat others the way they are treated.
- Begin to treat others unfairly.
- Jealousy
- Becomes jealous of the favored child making a relationship virtually impossible.
- Also affects the favored child.
- Anxiety and Insecurity
- Feel pressured to perform at a high level out of fear of losing favored status.
- Resentment
- Be skeptical about trusting stepparent.
- Not allow a bond to be possible.
- Form a strong rivalry with the sibling who is favored.
- Resent their own parent for putting them in the situation to begin with.
It's not easy treating your stepchildren the same as your own children, but you must do it. To not do so risks all of your relationships. Children want care and security in their family; a blended family is no different in this respect.
Care and security are just some of the needs of a child in the blended family; learn more about children's needs by reading Understanding Children's Needs in the Blended Family, http://supportforstepdads.com/2013/03/understanding-childrens-blended-family/.
Studies show nearly 65% of all second marriages involve children, but tragically nearly 70% of these marriages will end in divorce often as a result of the added pressures stepfamilies face. Gerardo Campbell has made it his mission to reverse the divorce rate for blended families. Through his website, Support for Stepfathers, http://supportforstepdads.com.
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