Big Kids of ALL Sizes

Dr. Doug Riley, a child psychologist in Virginia and a close friend of mine, talks about his special "program" for young children, the "Big Kid" Program. In it, Doug simply asks the child if they are a "Little Kid" or a "Big Kid". If they are old enough to talk, they will always say they are a "BIG Kid," opening the door for Doug to help them do what "BIG Kids" do. It's a simple and powerful strategy that builds right out of what the child says.

What About BIGGER Kids?

Parents are in a great position to use this same, basic approach with even bigger kids: adolescents. These youngsters regularly need to hear two things from their parents:

1. They need to hear how they are becoming more and more like an adult every day.

2. They need to hear how they are making better and better decisions.

No Hesitation

My wife recalls taking our two children out to dinner one evening (I was on the road, as usual). Our son was eighth-grade or so at the time; our daughter two grades younger. They chanced upon meeting a couple in the restaurant my wife had known from her childhood, although she had not seen them in many years.

The gentleman was missing his right arm. When introduced to the man, our son, in a cordial and confident fashion, acknowledged the introduction and offered his left hand to shake the only hand the man had. There was no hesitation in his action; he had managed a spontaneous and delicate challenge perfectly.

Better Than Most Adults

Later, my wife complimented him, suggesting he had handled that situation better than a lot of adults. That boy, now 39, still remembers how good it felt to be told his actions had been adult-like and absolutely on-target.

Perhaps we could call that a "BIG, BIG Kid" Program.

Psychologist Dr. James Sutton is the author of The Changing Behavior Book: A Fresh Approach to the Difficult Child. He is the founder and host of The Changing Behavior Network, a popular internet radio program supporting young people and their families, and every month he publishes The Changing Behavior Digest, offering tips on managing difficult children and teens. Both resources (and others) are available at no cost through his website, http://www.DocSpeak.com.

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